Reader vs. the Molten Pizza Pops of Doom!

Reader here! As you all know, I’m a man driven to fill my stomach whenever possible.

I love to eat, and I’m usually game to try anything.

A few weeks ago, I was strolling down the frozen food aisle in one of our local supermarkets, when something caught my eye, and I was instantly intrigued.

It combined two things I love – pizza and tacos!

That’s right. The fine folks at Pillsbury and Old El Paso have joined forces to create this delicious Frankenfood…

I’m just waiting to crack into this box of tasty treats!

Yep! Taco Beef and Cheese Pizza Pops!

Well… I was sold.

Oddly enough, I was able to exercise a bit of self-control. They lasted a couple of weeks in the freezer, before I got peckish yesterday, and decided to go to town, and give ’em a taste test!

Here’s what happened.

Yes, they were delicious. Taco beefy goodness, inside that familiar Pizza Pop pocket.

However, I must tip my cap to the diabolical geniuses at Pillsbury and Old El Paso, for creating a new and exciting way to burn the heck out of the roof of my mouth!

Why is it that every delicious piece of food that comes out of the microwave has to achieve nuclear heat status?

(Well, that, or being super-hot in one spot, and frozen solid in another. A marvel of physics!)

Now, I love all manner of frozen, easily nukeable food, from microwave burritos, to these scrumptious Philly cheesesteak like pockets that I just cant find in stores anymore. (So good, and I’m pretty sure that because I like them, they had to stop making them. The universe’s way of keeping me in line!)

As I mentioned, the one thing these foods have in common, is that when I heat ’em up, I’m way too impatient, and inevitably wind up burning the roof of my mouth something fierce.

I did some digging, to find out why burning that particular area is one of the worst pains ever.

Firstly, the skin on the roof of your mouth is super delicate and full of nerve endings. So when it gets burned, you really feel it. Like, instantly. It’s the exact opposite of brain freeze, except it does more damage to your mouth!

Secondly, after a burn, every meal can feel like an obstacle course. That delicious slice of pizza slice, bowl of hot soup, or huge helping of chili you were so excited about? More like a hot lava challenge! I made the mistake of eating some salty chips last night. Huge mistake. It felt like I was taking a potato peeler to the roof of my mouth!

Thirdly, it seems like it takes FOREVER to heal up, so you have to live with the irritation and discomfort for days. I’m not the most patient guy, so this sucks.

As well, we’re always eating, drinking, and talking, so it’s hard to give your mouth the rest it needs to properly heal. Three things I do a lot of, especially in my particular line of work – I never shut up! My mouth is always going, so it makes the healing process drag on even longer. Talk about a test of patience!

And finally, beyond the initial pain, a burned mouth can throw off your daily rhythm. Meal times become a bit stressful, and social events that include eating and drinking? Suddenly, we don’t look forward to them quite so much, as we don’t know if our delicate mouths can handle a big ol’ tray of nachos or some crispy chicken wings.

I guess next time, I’ll try to let my food cool down a bit before diving in. In the meantime, until my mouth heals up, I’ll stick with some popsicles, yogurt, or maybe some ice cream. Maybe this calls for a Blizzard!

In the meantime, maybe I need to head back to the store tomorrow and see if I can score some more of those Taco Pizza Pops!

Random aside: Why is it that when you nuke a Pizza Pop, the filling ALWAYS ends up oozing out onto the plate? I even poke holes in them to try and alleviate the pressure as they cook, but to no avail. Pizza Pop innards everywhere!

I’ll save ’em for later, though!

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